For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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