yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
