Already got asked if we're dating
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
