either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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