I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
