on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i drank out of a bidet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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