We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
