dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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