When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
