I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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