Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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