Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
