i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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