I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
