Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you would pick up someone in the library
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
