wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
