It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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