She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
