My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
