My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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