i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
