oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
