You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
