The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
