Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
