when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
