I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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