pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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