Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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