so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
