my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
