just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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