I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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