last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
