thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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