Pappa wants mamma naked
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
