Jerry, you need to find god
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
