yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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