Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
