i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
