HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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