I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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