someone threw a dead crab at me
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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