worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
