I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
why is half of my head shaved?
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