hotel room ftw
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
