Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
