Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
