You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
