Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
