boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
