yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
