the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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