We're facebook friends in real life
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
