I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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