It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
