So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
