forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
