Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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