Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
