Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
