i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is my gift to your gina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
