Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize