i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
