Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
