Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
