God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize