youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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