Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
